September 11th – it’s a day that reminds so many
people of a horrific tragedy and a moment when the world changed forever. Before 9/11, there was a world that felt simpler, easier
and a bit more secure.
When I think back to a simpler more secure time in my own
life, I have no memories of a life like that. As long as I can remember I’ve
been protecting myself. Don’t get me
wrong, my Mom did her very best. (I thank God every day that she loved me
truly, unconditionally.)
Let’s talk Ron – there’s nothing simple or secure about my
relationship with him. BUT, I am truly happy to share that I’ve reached a point
where my whole heart & mind understands what he’s done/doing and accepts his
misgivings. He has repeatedly given me the ‘silent treatment’ throughout my
life & he can choose to ignore me until the day he dies.
Do you ever listen to your gut & just start Googling and
exploring ideas? Well, I do that. I
explored the idea of parents giving their children the silent treatment. I did this after I had the mind-blowing
revelation that Ron thinks it’s ok to ignore me because he doesn’t agree with
how I handled his ex-wife, of 45 years, estate.
He left my mom to be with another woman yet he thinks he can have an opinion
on how I handle her estate. Really? And even crazier, he is well aware of the
PTSD his son’s abuse has given me (and his son has admitted the abuse), yet
he’s disappointed in the way I’ve treated the son. Again, really?
(Serious mind blowing happened & it took me time to even wrap my
brain around that massive dysfunction.) His opinion is more important that
standing up to physical abuse…..let that sink in.
Back to the ‘silent treatment’……Ron’s given me the silent
treatment on/off since I can remember. He didn’t
come to my high school graduation because he was mad at me. (He used my Grandma
as the excuse.) But what parent does that?
He gave me the silent treatment for about 6 years (ages 18-24) and he’s
at it again. My prediction: he’ll die
giving me the silent treatment.
Here’s the really cool thing though – he doesn’t know I’m on
to him. I did my Googling and it always
intrigues me when common themes appear over and over. In Googling parents who give their kids the
silent treatment 3 things consistently appeared. 1: The parent giving the silent treatment is
usually a narcissist. 2: The parent uses the silent treatment as control. 3:
Silent treatment from a parent is a form of emotional abuse. None of these sound like shockers though,
right?
Here’s news Ron – You can NO LONGER control me. I understand
what you’re doing & why you do it. Your father did it, you do it &
you’ve taught your son how to do it. That’s your legacy.
It FREES me to
understand all this and a tremendous weight is off my heart & soul. My mind comprehends the massive
dysfunctionalism of your ways. And my
children will never know how it feels to get the silent treatment from either
of their parents.
So take that! Even though I can’t remember a time when my
world was better, it’s better now. I am free to live my life to the fullest and
better times are ahead. Same as how the terrorist will not win, you have not
won. I am free.
PS - I made up the word dysfunctionalism but it fit.
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